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Don’t stand between me and POM juice

October 22, 2010

Dear snarky grocery store cashier,

This a letter directed to you on how not to annoy your customers in 5 seconds or less.

Yes, I realize I gave you what amounts to anthrax in the world of cashiers, the dreaded “C” word, the pain in the arse coupons.

Coupons that were sent to me by the nice people at POM Wonderful about 7 months ago, just as I packed up my house, put everything into storage and lived on a couch, so somehow those precious coupons were packed away in some unlabelled box, only to be found after I purchased shelving and finally got around to unloaded the last few boxes. When I found the coupons, it was like the sky turned blue, rainbows appeared, happy birds chirped in the background and I did a happy dance in my living room. And then I started plotting what I should make with FOUR BOTTLES of pomegranate juice. Liquid gold, people, liquid gold.

Hmmmm… mocktails?

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Cocktails?

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Gin? Vodka? Tequila? All three?! Probably not all three; that would be bad, right?! And, yes, I realize that is not a proper cocktail glass, but I don’t have any right now.

Salad dressing?

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A pomegranate balsamic reduction over baked salmon?

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So many options, and I haven’t even gotten to dessert yet, but see, snarky cashier, you were standing in the way of my making these yummy treats, because you had to second guess my coupons.

“There are never any coupons for these! Where did you get them?” you asked me in an accusatory tone. I’m not trying to steal government secrets, wasn’t using counterfeiting currency, I just want my free bottle of POM.

Then you had to read every line in the coupon, stopping to tell me that the coupon would only cover $4.99 of the $5.49 price tag. Hmmm… let me think about that… 50 cents for a bottle? That’s cheaper than buying a bottle of water! I’ll take it!

And then finally nailing the coffin shut with “I can only let you redeem one coupon”, even though the coupon doesn’t say one per purchase.

Of course, dear cashier, I’m sneaky and you can’t scare me off that easily.

So, be prepared to see me every day, for the next four days.

Maybe by the end, you’ll have learned how to smile.

Sincerely,

Me

Also, I’m jealous of the POM juices in these ads. I can’t hula hoop to save my life, and what I wouldn’t give to lounging in a hammock on the beach right now.

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One Comment leave one →
  1. October 22, 2010 3:58 pm

    I run into that all the time…I had a purse full of Silver Hills free bread coupons and an extra few of those POM coupons too (thanks to Cat)…and yes, they spend 20 minutes reading the damn things like I don’t have anything better to do than orchestrate a coupon plot for free juice and toast. LOL.

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